Is fat self inflicted?

Well the short answer, in probably 99% of cases (and my figures are not researched in any way) is a resounding YES - and I'm allowed to say that, because my name is Emma, and I am an over eater!

For me, I believe that my journey to obesity started with a medical problem aged about 10 years of age - I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say, the treatment involved enemas and the like. I seem to have been filling my face ever since.

Which brings me back to my question - 'Is fat self inflicted?' In my case, most certainly. The thing is, I'm not sure how to put this all right - and let out the normal sized person inside me.

To the cynics and fat haters out there, and there are plenty of them, just google 'fat people' and you'll see what I mean, I know what my problem is - I consume more calories, than the amount that I burn off - I am fat, not stupid. The thing is that no matter how many diets I try, and there have been a few, I simply lose the will to live after a couple of stone, and then put it all back on, and more. Why?????

I struggle to understand why anyone would want to be this fat; nice clothes are hard to find, bits of me chafe when the weathers hot, so much so that I do wonder whether I might spontaneously combust due to the friction, and there are so many fun activities that I am excluded from due to the worry that I am too big to do them. I could go on, but we could be here all day - maybe I'll save that for another post!

In a simple world, I would eat low fat health foods, cycle to work and go jogging several times a week, and bingo, several lost stone later I would be a sight to behold - simples - but this is not a simple world, and that hasn't happened so far.

I think where my opinion differs from the cynics I mentioned, is that although I totally accept that only I can do something about my fatness, and want to, there is some psychological barrier blocking the way and adding insult to injury it's waving a huge piece of cake in my face.

I once heard a radio station program which talked at length about the difficulties that women in particular suffer from when trying to lose significant amounts of weight. They talked about the food:exercise ratio, but also about the psychology behind over eating. The GP on the show recommended Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as well as eating and exercising healthily. This really struck a chord with me, as I have always felt that I want to lose weight, but can't work out why it is so difficult for me to achieve this. So, I bit the bullet, after a couple of years admittedly of thinking about this, and booked my first CBT session. The therapist talked to me at length and sent me away to continue as I am (for the moment) and compile a diary recording what I eat when I am not hungry and the feelings I have at those times, so that we can work together to look at what my trigger factors are and what strategies I can employ to deal with these feelings.

She compared me to an alcoholic or drug addict, dut to the obsessive way that I think about food, so I'm hoping that the strategies that she helps me to build, will help me to think about food in a different way.

I'll keep you posted with the CBT sessions, but for me my fatness is most definately self inflicted, and I am the only one who can do anything about it. I just need a little help, and the CBT therapist, could be the help I need!