I'm a saboteur!

Cor blimey - I've gone right off the rails of late. My main meals are perfect - I'm eating the best I have ever ate.......but then I have seconds, and then I pick at the left overs as I'm boxing them up for the freezer.

Then there's the experimental things.....I recently decided to have a go at my own version of low syn cheese cakes.....using lemon Greek yoghurt, and ginger nuts. I figured, 2 ginger nuts would be ok, I could factor that in to my 'naughties' - but the shop didn't have any - so I bought some ginger snap type biscuits instead - and you needed more than 2 to make a half decent cheese cake base. Did I mention after telling my husband not to eat them, I then ate the whole pack myself.....:-(

So, the following day, I decided, I would try again, the previous days version one cheesecake, was er, shall we say, a bit rubbery......I bought a pack of ginger nuts ready for the base, and ate the whole packet.......EPIC FAIL!

So, group rolled round, I knew it would be a gain, even though I expected it, and I knew I totally deserved it, from the junk I had shovelled in - I felt really fed up after standing on the scales, especially when I saw I had slipped back up into the next stone, which means I am now just under the original 5 stone I had lost :-(

So it was with what I can only assume are SW lady's psychic powers that she spoke about self sabotage in group - we all had the chance to tell the group what we were doing, and what we planned to do about it......one lady pointed out that you need to love you inner self - how right was she? The only person losing out from me shoving all the rubbish down my cake hole - is me!

For me - that means knowing that be it right or wrong, I can not control myself around certain foods - ginger nuts being one of the long list......other things are most chocolate unless it is Cadburys or Galaxy which I can take or leave, most savoury snacks, nuts, bread, cake, the little meringues from the bakery section......are you getting the picture?

So, in order to stop self sabotaging, I need to make sure that I don't buy the stuff that I can't control - you see, I kid myself that I can eat one 2 fingered kit-kat, or a couple of ginger nuts. I'm just lying to myself really.

I thought I would go back to what I did when I first started - my only 'naughties' that I kept in stock, were the SW caramel bars, and Curly Wurlys so that I avoided temptation. The caramel bars are far to sweet to have more than one at a time, and Curly Wurly's - well they are probably my least favourite chocolate ever, but if I desperately need a chocolate fix, they take the edge off, without me wanting to eat the whole 5 pack!

So, I've just done the shopping.....Curly Wurly's were number one on the list.

I'm planning on liking myself a bit more this week - starting with a personal training session tomorrow - eek!

Blank Slate

So, it's the 3rd Jan already - happy new year by the way! Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, and is gearing up for the return to the rat race tomorrow :-/

I haven't been on here much, haven't felt particularly inspired to write anything, truth be told.

I am now at around 4 1/2 stone loss, having put on around 1/2 stone throughout December - now normally, I would be distraught at this - but part of my journey has been learning that life happens, and sometimes we eat crap, and sometimes we stuff the crap down our necks faster than you would think is humanly possible - but then we get over it, and carry on with the good stuff. Previously, I would have beat myself up for that, and felt guilty, and then eaten more to get over the guilt, and then felt more guilty, and then thought, it's no good, I can't do this, so I'll give up, and that would have been the end of it.

For me, December brought my 40th birthday, two weeks before Christmas, and as part of those celebrations - I have had an afternoon tea, tapas (twice), Mexican food - my absolute favourite, four Christmas dinners (including the 'official' one on the actual day), a pub meal, and finally last night, some lovely Caribbean nosh.

I have continued to go to SW all the way through, and I think throughout the whole year, have only missed one weigh in, and maybe 3 IMAGE therapy sessions - so for me, this is a major life style change - I have never, ever stuck to any kind of sensible eating plan for anything longer than about 3 or 4 months.

Our lovely SW lady has been supportive throughout, and better than that, for me - realistic. Early on she told us that we had to make peace with ourselves and the way that we would cope with Christmas - for some, that would be remaining 100% on plan (fair play, no idea how they can be so 'on it'), some people would be buying a box of chocolates for a treat, and then make that last throughout the festive period, others would be having the day off, and for some, well, they might take the whole of December off. We needed to have a think about what would get us through it, and accept that was what we were doing, and as such, might put some weight on - but that was ok. She then went on to tell us that getting weighed each week, even if we weren't 100% on it, would help us keep on it, in some way. For me, I know that if I had not bothered going to group in December - well, I definitely would have put a whole lot more than 1/2 stone on!

I decided, that I was going to be on plan aside from the week of my birthday - I tried to make sensible choices in some of my meals out, didn't have 3 courses, where I would have in previous years. Then, I decided, that I was going to have a small box of Thorntons Viennese truffles - I can not tell you how much I love these....so, I went to Thorntons, which did not have a box - only smallish bags ......so I bought two - in my head, that equates to a box, right? I imagined watching a Christmas film, a nice cuppa and savouring each chocolate in my bag of truffles.........then I ate a bag on the way back to the office......and the other bag on my way home! What is the matter with me? So, because I just shovelled them down - I didn't enjoy them, and honestly, was a total waste of time. Christmas day itself was ok, Boxing day, not so much...did I mention my nans recipe trifle.......I loooooove trifle. So Christmas for me, was not as on plan as I intended to be. I should know by now, that I have no moderation switch!

At group last week, having put on 2 1/2 lbs since Christmas eve - we talked in group about making a date to get back in the zone. Not setting ourselves up to fail by choosing a date where we wouldn't be able to give it 100% from that point.

So that's what today is for me - last night, saw the last of my birthday celebrations (Caribbean food and the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe at the Rep, thanks for asking) and I'm all done. So, this morning, I started with a full English (all perfectly acceptable on SW), then a lunch of tuna mayo, veggie rice, and some salad and tea was a lamb roast. I've had some fruit, and a yoghurt, and I'm about to have a treat of a choccy bar with a cuppa......and........drum roll please, for the first time in an absolute age, I have stayed on plan, right up until bed time! Yay!

Last year, I lost 5 stone, but 4 stone of that was done by July, I just messed about for the tail end of the year, so I am treating today as my blank slate, and getting right back on it. Here's to the next 5 stone!

Wish me luck :-)